Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
