Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
