she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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