I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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