Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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