So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
