The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize