that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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