Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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