Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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