Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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