Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
