YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
