Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
