1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
