I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
