I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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