I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
