That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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