is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we're so committed to being not committed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
