ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
