6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
