dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
