Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
