When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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