you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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