I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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