I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize