You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
