What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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