Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
