i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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