i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
