Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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