my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
