I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
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sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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