my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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