It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
