I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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