he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
