Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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