she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
