I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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