TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
