it was like eating out sand paper
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
