The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
