I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
