this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
