One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
