i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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