I wish I could teleport
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
