The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
