Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
