i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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