sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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