I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
