Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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