Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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