But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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