I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
