ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
