weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
