whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
