and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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