We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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