sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
