You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
