Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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